Be Still

Today I went for a walk and I had a great time praying. It was one of those times that everything fell easily from my mouth and I felt the Holy Spirit moving on the insides. Sounds creepy but true. I have been feeling like crap all day long and I've just been in a crappy mood. I've been in one of those poor me moods. You know the one...everyone is to blame but me. I work harder than everyone else. I'm tired and no one cares. No one can see how to fix it but I can and can't say anything. Why am I in this situation? Why do I put myself in this situation? Everything and anything is not right.

I could go on and on with all the conversations I kept telling myself. Finally, I heard BE STILL. As I walked my brain turned off and nothing mattered anymore. The accusations were gone. My feelings evaporated and for just a minute I could breath. There were no pent up emotions. There were no rapid heart beats. I was still. For just those few minutes I felt free. I felt like all would be OK. Then the voices came back. As I tried to filter them, I heard that still small voice again tell me to BE STILL.

As I walked, I continued to focus not on what I have done for others but what HE has done for me. Christ could very easily say these same things right back to me that I was saying about other people but he doesn't. He says to BE STILL...know that I am God.

I continued praying for my girls who were at school. The things they were encountering today. The people who were coming across their way. I prayed that they would be a light and that they would find just a moment and BE STILL.

I prayed for my husband and even though I didn't like him this morning, that God would help me to love him like only He could love him. That I would allow my husband to lead me instead of me leading my husband. This is something I struggle with day in and day out. I prayed that God would change me instead of  my husband like I've prayed so many times before. I prayed that my husband would find time to BE STILL.

In my world, it is so hard to find time to BE STILL. I'm a multitasker and there's just not a second to just sit and do nothing but listen for what God has to tell me. I don't have the patience or the time for that but sometimes God creates those moments that we so desperately need. He helps carve out the time to cast our cares on him. He helps us by taking our burdens off of our backs and carrying it himself.

Why does he do it? Cause he loves us. Why o why can't I love him like that? I prayed that I would find opportunities to BE STILL. No matter how difficult it is to break away...I have to. He listens to us...we need to listen to him.

I'm Back!

I'm finally back from vacation! We had a great time but I'm certainly glad to be back! It's nice to go away but so many times you need a vacation to recover from your vacation! We went to Destin, Florida and had a great time! Already looking forward to next year :) I, however, will sit out from being the event coordinator. I think I had a little too much on the agenda! I was originally going with the idea of relaxing on the beach and just hanging out enjoying the sun and surf (with sunscreen on, of course!). What actually happened was that we had a packed schedule with not only sun and surf but a lot of extra stuff for the kids and adults. Despite being busy, every day ended with the feeling of excitement that we still had days to go before the end of the vacation. So many times, vacations just wiz by and you don't get to really enjoy them. Not this time! Every day was an adventure and it was so fun to look forward to what the next day brought.

While on vacation, I tracked calories and did amazing...til our travel days home. By that time, I felt the need to reward myself for doing a stellar job and thought I needed fries and dessert (AKA Milkshake). If I would have skipped the reward fest, I probably would have lost weight. All in all, I gained 2 REAL pounds. I say REAL pounds because I had a lot of water weight that I got rid of pretty quick. The few days after vacation when we got home I was in a funk because of my reward fest and it took me a few days to get back on track. I think I'm good but I still have moments of weakness. Let's just say I'm looking forward to a new month - September can't come soon enough. Our real schedules will start and my races will be coming up. Even now, I still feel like it' summer despite the fact that school hast started (CRINGE)!

That's right...school has started. The girls are loving school even though they'll probably tell you something different. Even thought they started on Wednesday, it wore this mama out to get things ready in the morning, showers for the girls, work full time, and head home to do dinner and help with homework not to mention clean out the flower bed. WORE OUT does not begin to describe how I felt. By Friday I was ready for a long nap. That, unfortunately, didn't happen. How am I going to cope during a longer week, you may ask? Easy answer...some friends and I are starting to make freezer meals. I'm so excited! This will help tremendously! We're starting this Thursday :) Each of us are making 2 meals so after it's all said and done, we'll have 6 meals. We're doing another session in two weeks where we're swapping with a few other girls. Hopefully by doing this, I can pop a meal in the fridge in the morning and Nate can pop it in the stove on my way home. Can't wait til Thursday! I'll fill you in on how it goes!

Weigh Day

Had a weigh day yesterday and I lost 1 pound. I'll take it! Had a little bit of an epiphany yesterday as well. I always try to think of something that I really want to eat on weigh day. It's something that I normally don't have and it's something that I can treat myself to. Yesterday I wanted Canes but I opted for Wendy's...I was more set on the Cake Freestyle machine than anything. I wanted either Diet Dr. Pepper Cherry Vanilla or Diet Vanilla Coke. I kept hearing people talk about cheeseburgers so that's what I ordered. As I was ordering I saw these cookie and brownies next to me that I was convincing myself that I didn't need. I had the thought that I was going to breeze right thru he cheeseburger and that I should grab the brownie while I could since it was my "cheat meal". After much debating in my head, I decided against it. Victory #1. I left with my Diet Dr. Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper , single with cheese, and small fries. I had the fries which were great :) and then started in on the single with cheese. I was telling myself to pay attention to my hunger pains and if I felt full that I should stop. Half way thru, I felt like if I went any farther than I'd be miserable. I folded up the other half of cheeseburger and pitched it. Victory #2! An hour later, I felt horrible. Since I don't eat greasy foods like that very often my insides were telling me...actually yelling at me for putting my lunch inside it. My insides did not like my lunch selection ;) Victory #3. I call this a victory because it's a testament to how far I've come. I'm making wiser selections when I eat out and pay true attention to the things I put in my body. After still feeling like crap later in the day, it was a true confirmation that I'm not going to load up on crap when we're on vacation. it's not worth the pounds that it will add nor the time I will spend on the "can". Who wants to spend time in the bathroom when you can spend it on the beach?? After entering my numbers under my progress, I've seen that I've come along way. Even though it's taken me a long time to get to that point, I am changing. Slowly, my body is getting smaller but my confidence is getting bigger. I wanted to be at 170 by today but 186 isn't bad. I'm a work in progress! Here's to a great vacation :)

Packing

Packing is what we're going to be doing in the next few days. To tell you the truth, I haven't met anyone I know that likes to pack. If you do, I think there's something really wrong with you. The daunting task of making sure every article of clothing is washed before you start is what always stalls the process. You know that you're going to want that one piece of clothing that's at the bottom of the laundry pile. And you can't forget those one pair of undies that feel so much better when you travel. You know the ones! Least I mention that you can't take just any PJ's...especially when you're traveling with extended family. They have to be presentable PJ's...not the mix and match PJ's that are OK for home. The ones with the hole in the knees or armpit...again, you know the PJ's! Yep, that's me in the next few days. Let the laundry begin! I think my husband is about ready to strangle me because I'm being a laundry lunatic and monitoring what goes in the laundry basket because really...is it dirty enough to wash?? Have you worn it for at least 12 hours? If your family or kids are anything like mine they change about 4 times a day doubling the amount of laundry that REALLY needs done. It is what it is and everything will get done one way or another...most times it means me, the mom, staying up till 3AM and rising yet again at sunrise to make sure everything is just right before we head out. Since we leave in the middle of the day, I have to make sure it's all there before I leave for work because once I'm gone, I'm gone and there's not turning back. Again, my husband thinks I'm crazy because the car has basically got to be packed well before we have to leave. This is to ensure that all suitcases are packed, snacks are in their proper position, magazines are secured, and children are essentially accounted for. The only thing that would be missing is, well...me. I'll work for a few hours... or act like I'm working - everything will have been emailed, scheduled, confirmed, or sent out and I sit. Waiting for the clock to strike so I can leave. The seconds...the minutes...the hours creep by but eventually it happens. The clock strikes the magic number and it's officially time to go...to the bathroom that is. All the kids out of the car and one last pee stop! Once everyone has emptied out their bladders it's time to pile in the car and that's when my vacation begins. So until then, I'm counting down the seconds...the minutes...and the hours waiting for the clock to strike while I dig for my presentable PJ's!

Another Day...Another Dollar

Guess what?! Today is Friday...couldn't be happier to be at the end of the week. I had another successful weight loss this week. I lost a pound which doesn't sound like much but I'll take each and every ounce I can get! I'm feeling great today! Yesterday was weigh day so I treated myself to lunch at Chipotle with my mom...then treated myself to pizza out with my father in law who is in town from Nashville. Overall, I did well for the day but after eating out twice, I felt like I needed to put in some time with my trusty treadmill last night. Got in a good run and now I'm ready for the weekend. We've got a family get together with Nate's side of the family this weekend and it will be good to see everyone! Hoping for great weather and good memories!

We've got a couple of busy weeks ahead which I'm happy and sad about. We're heading on vacation soon which I'm so excited about but at the same time, once we get back it's back to school time. It will officially be the end to our summer. Things went so fast...so much faster than what they do during the school year. I treasure these days home with my kids. It's so nice to stay up late, wake up late and not having to worry about having an agenda. I hope we cope with school starting early this year. My only saving grace is that the kids get out in May next year and then the summer starts all over again.

Things will be very different for Nate as this will be his first year without kids during the day. The time has finally come for him to have all this free time I've been promising him from day one of his disability. He's not going to know what to do with all his free time. I'm sure he'll fill it up in no time but it will take some getting used to. I love that it also means that we can have our mornings together. The girls will get on the bus around 7:30 and I don't leave until a little after 8. 45 minutes of US time!

OK, gotta get back to work...after all it's another day...another dollar! Looking forward to the next few weeks. I'll fill you in as I can! Enjoy the rest of your summer!

Quiet On The Western Front

The girls are in bed and Nate is at his uncles trying to fix our lawn mower. I just got done going thru all our bills and paperwork trying to get caught up. Things have been so crazy at work that I haven't had a chance to pay some things so tonight was the night. I went thru my bag, got all the papers in order and went to town making payments. Lucky, the money is coming out of an HSA so it doesn't hurt as bad as if it were coming out of a checking account. I can almost see an end to our medical bills! By the beginning of September we will officially be medical debt free! It's been awhile and I can only hope and pray that the girls stay well enough to help us take money out of our HSA to pay ourselves back for money we've taken out of the bank for down payments for Aiva's tonsils and my surgery. That's right...I said Aiva's tonsils! That was about three years ago! Looking forward to building back up our savings. I've always been more the saver and Nate the spender so to see us move towards saving and restocking our savings account bring me much happiness.

I weighed in this week and maintained. I'm totally OK with is as it's normally a gain week for me. Hoping for great things next week! I'm continuing to run and work out which has been hard because of the heat! Looking forward to a cool front coming in this weekend. It makes working out more enjoyable (who am I fooling) when it's not as hot. Looking forward to a family day tomorrow! With Nate gone tonight, I was also able to catch up on cleaning so I don't have to tomorrow. Love that feeling of a free weekend to love on my family. Not sure what we're doing this weekend but I'm sure there will be tons of laughter and lots of tickles :)

Bad News....and Good News!

OK...so the triathlon that I've spent the past 4 months training for was called off on Friday. I was so bumbed...words can't describe how disappointed I was. All my clothes were laid out. I planned my meals just right. Mentally I was ready....and then I got the email. The beach where the tri was supposed to take place had experienced some flooding and the park was deemed unsafe. Again, the bad news is that it was canceled...even worse is that I can't go to the makeup date. This will keep me going for at least another year though. I'm ready for the challenge plus I've got some 5K's to run between now and then. I'm so excited for these races and they're going to be so fun in their own ways. The first one  is the Busy Babes Marathon 5K in Centerburg.

I'm running with several girls from church. We're all doing our own race between the 5K, 10K, and half marathon. Can't wait! A week later, me and my family are running in the Miles for Melanoma race in Columbus.

It's the first race in Columbus for this organization so I'm really happy to be there for the first race and plus I can support a cause close to my heart. PLUS I get to do it with my family. Ana is so stoked to do this race it's funny! She's been dying to run a race with me so now she gets her chance! The last race of the year is the Hot Chocolate 5K in Columbus.

I'm either running this with a coworker or with Nate. Either way I'm excited because this was my first ever 5K last year and it will be nice to go back and run in Downtown Columbus and get some yummy hot chocolate! The atmosphere was amazing last year and I can't wait to experience again!

I'm feeling great these days and I'm in the best shape that I've been in years. I can't wait to continue! Stay tuned for what happens next! I've got a weigh in tomorrow so we'll see what happens! Here's hoping for another lose!