Seven

OK...I think I might be working from the back to the front on my goals. I can cross #7 off the list on my goals. I finally found a sitter for the girls! I went tonight to sign the official contract and they start on Thursday! I'll be working Monday, Tuesday and Thursdays. I'm so excited and to have a sitter that doesn't live far from the church is an added bonus. She has 4 girls which my two girls get along great with. Aiva is going to love having older girls to hang out with this summer! Nate is going to have Ana and Aiva on most Monday & Tuesdays and Rosa will have them Thursdays and any day Nate can't keep them. Yeah...6 more goals and we're gold!

May

Let's just say first off that I can't wait til May. I just told Nate the other day that once May comes things will be so much better. Things have started moving towards my goals which I listed in the previous blog so I'm excited for the progress so far. Hopefully next week we'll be going before the elders to discuss about the disagreement that we have between a certain uncle and Nate and I. I'm in the process of collecting all the info that I need to make sure that we have a good case. I know that justice will prevail. God always wins so I'm not stressing out any more about it. I think when we were in a state of limbo and we didn't know which way we were headed it was harder to see the light but since we're heading in the right direction I feel so at peace and know that I can't wait til May when finally this is all over! Second, we're making dents in our debt! My mom is just about paid off and once I get her finished we can concentrate on the credit cards. I'm anxious to see the numbers drop like flies!! Yeah! I love sitting and doing my budget on Thursday mornings and seeing the numbers go down. Such a sense of progress! Third, I got the official OK that I start at the church on April 28! I'm so excited and know that Adriene is too. She finally has someone to cover her back so she doesn't feel so overwhelmed all the time. I pray that our friendship gets stronger and that good things comes from working at the church again. Fourth, I got a call today from the preschool where we want to get Aiva into and we have a meeting in May to talk about Aiva starting in the fall. I hope and pray that it goes well and that she's able to get in. OK, I think that's it for now. I have to go and get Aiva from church so I'll update you on the updates once they come in! Here's to the end of April...even though we're only on the 9th!

Christmas

Right now the girls are dancing to Christmas music. Can you believe it...Christmas in almost April. Makes me think ahead to what things are going to be like in December. I thought today would be a good a day as any to talk about goals. There are so many things that I want from this year. So many expectations that I sometimes wonder if it's too much for a year to handle but then I think. With the help from our Almighty God and a little dedication and discipline it's all within reach. I pray that this year is full of met goals as we lean on our Heavenly Father to do immeasurably more than we would ever hope for. Here it goes:
1) Get out of debt...we only have a little more to go and we're done
2) Pay off our loved ones...piece of cake
3) Get money from a certain uncle so we can move forward on this great journey
4) Start looking for a house
5) Start working permanently at church...I'm starting in May but I hope it continues through 2009 and on.
6) Aiva starting preschool
7) Sitters for Ana and Aiva while I'm at work

I think that just about covers it. All the rest that God blesses us with are just bonuses. I'm really starting to enjoy the Christmas music that's playing. If you would excuse me I think I'll join my daughters and take a dance or two! Au revoir!

Tired

OK..my new beginning lasted about a week but I was surprised that it lasted that long. Today has been a rough day. Nate worked last night and it totally through things off schedule. He is supposed to have Monday's off but instead he was stuck in bed sleeping...not something that I wished he were doing but knew that it was essential if he were to go to work on Tuesday night. This new job of his has been a God send but at the same time been so frustrating. There's no other word for it but frustrating. When things seem to be on the straight and narrow we get another curve ball thrown our way. I'm so ready for something that is just consistent. I don't know if it's going to be when I start back at the church or what but I'm so tired of just trying so dag on hard. It doesn't help that Nate's family...mainly his mom and dad keeps the pot stirred. I keep on saying that next months is going to be better but is it really. I sure hope that April is going to be better than March. I guess my thing is that I need to make sure that it is. I'm not sure what steps to take to make sure that it is but I'm in the process of pursuing it. Some thing's got to give! I got a call from Toya, my friend from Dell, and it was such a breath of fresh air talking to her. I think mainly is b/c when I was at Dell I could be someone that I couldn't be at home. That was somewhat the part that I hated too but now that I'm home it's nice to kind of step back into that role. OK, I have to get going but I hope that the next blog brings some hope and maybe a little peace thrown in!

Fresh

I feel for the last few weeks I’ve had to start fresh. Isn’t that what life is like though. Thank God for His tender mercy that gets us through. I really don’t understand how non-Christians do it. I need to know that the next day is going to be better or at least know that someone is in control of what happens next.

This past week has been absolutely exhausting. So many things weighing me down that I could barely breathe or see the light. I felt so disconnected to everything and all I wanted was to breathe. At times I would take a deep breath and still not feel relief. After a talk and some prayer all that changed. So like God…all He wanted was for communication. Thank you God for always being there to listen to the details of our “difficult” life. Help me to remove the stuff that gets in the way of looking to you. I need you more than ever to get me through this.

I’m looking at this week as a new start…a new beginning. I have the most amazing husband and sometimes I forget that I have such a tremendous treasure. Life gets in the way and I forget. Call me stupid but I really feel that this happens to everyone. We get so caught up with finances, kids, work, and schedules that we loose sight of our helpmate. I pray, as I start my so-called “new beginning”, that I would take time everyday to concentrate on my husband and make him feel significant, special, and sacred. I pray you do the same.

Happy

This is the first day in a long time that I can say that I am genuinely happy. There's no other word for it but happy. I know that sounds completely lame and "oh my gosh...you haven't been happy since when?" Sorry to disappoint a few but hey...it's been a long road and I am happy to say that I feel we're on the path to something new and awesome.

We got our tax refund in the bank today and I guess you can say that's what started off the whole happy day. I took the time to call everyone I needed to call to notify them of the refund and all that I had to do to go along with the refund (which is another blog of itself) and I was finally able to breath a deep sigh of relief! Everything just seems right with the world (other than seeing the first Hilliary Clinton ad on TV!). Then it hit me...it's sad that it took money to brighten my day. I know they say that money doesn't buy you happiness. Well, I'm here to say that it sure helps. Try going through a week wondering where you're going to come up with money so that your husband can get to work. Or maybe how your girls are going to have milk in their cereal without $3.00 to get it. It was such a hard couple weeks but I finally feel....free. In a sense...happy!

Then I talked to Mark Stier, my old boss. Seems they have a spot that's going to be opening up soon at the church I worked at and they want to talk to me on Monday about taking the job. I am...well...happy! There's no other words for it. If this works out I would be...happy. More than that though. Eternally grateful. I wish I never took that job at Dell. Well, I can't say that. I met the two most inspiring girls while I worked there. Cassie. She was the one who I was most close with at the beginning. We were a like in many ways. I prayed for a Christian friend and God gave me Cassie. I just found out that she was able to quit Dell and has a job that's opening up back in KY for her. I'm so happy that she got out of that situation and was able to head back home. Thanks Cassie for the memories, the laughs, and the tears. I loved coming in to Dell in the morning and sharing our raccoon eyes with each other! The second was Toya. Toya and I got tight at the end. I really, in my heart of hearts, think if I had tried hard enough to get through this Dell thing it would have been with the help of Toya. She was so encouraging. Who knew that she was a Christian too. Non-denominational...thank you Jesus. One thing that I will take away from Toya is from a sermon that she had shared with me from her church. Her pastor said that when you're in times of trial that you shout out to God, "Hallelujah, Glory to God, Thank you Jesus!" Because it's in times of trials that we learn and we need to thank the Lord for those trials because it leads to mountain top joys. I find myself saying those three phrases quite often now. Not only in times of trials but in times of joy. I said it a lot today. I think Toya knew I was thinking of her while I was praising my Lord cause I got a call from her! Thank you Jesus for my friend Toya. We are so different but so much the same. I am proud that I met her because of her and her willingness to open up about her faith we have a bond that will last for all time. When I think of these two girls...it makes me happy!

OK, enough for today. I need to get going and rest my happy head! Hallelujah, Glory to God, Thank you Jesus!

Solemn

I guess that’s a good word to describe my mood. Things have for the most part been going great but I’m back again to feeling down. Something happened within the past two days so set me off balance and I need to focus ahead and know that things are going to get better…it’s just a process. Aiva has been a little helter skelter and has set me into a tailspin as well. I just figure her out sometimes. When she doesn’t take a nap in the afternoon she’s a beast that night but even if she does do a nap she’s just as beastly …specially this week. I’m at my whit’s end. If I can just get through the next week I think things will be back to normal. I’ve been going through the book Purpose Driven Life and I can tell that God has been working on my heart. I should have read the book sooner but God has perfect timing. Who knows I probably wouldn’t have been able to “get it” until now. I needed to go through what I did in order to fully grasp what God wanted to tell me. I’m dreading the book ending because I can really understand the author. Like I say about our pastor, he brings the cookies to the first shelf. It just clicks…probably a God thing more than a coincidence! All in all, this past month I have learned a lot and I can hardly wait to see what else he has in store for me. I’ve asked a couple girls from church if they wanted to do a study called Captivating and I can hardly wait for that to start up. Not only so I can keep up with my quiet time but also to have some accountability and encouragement from other Christian women. I’ll keep you up to date and let you know how it goes but until then I’ll keep praying that God’s hand be over the ones who are thinking about joining and that God’s will be done through the group. I’m trying not to dwell on this “thing” that happened yesterday but it’s been hard. Very consuming…help me God to lean on you and give me strength to look past my troubles. Bring me to your feet and help me to focus on your merciful face and into the arms of Jesus.