Time out

I've taken a little time out the past couple weeks. I've feel like I've been beat up, hit, and run over but I'm still up. We've been looking for a house and that's taken some time out of our schedule but what's taken most of my thoughts these past couple weeks are on something that's a little more private. I'm not one that share's every nook and cranny of my life but I feel like I have to let everyone in on something that's been consuming my thoughts. I went to the dermatologist last week on Monday and they discovered that I have skin cancer. It's a rather large melanoma but they feel for right now that they've caught it early. I've got an appointment with my oncologist in April with surgery to follow. It's one of those things that hit you right in the gut. Cancer is cancer and I really don't care if it's skin cancer or any other type of cancer. It's scary! My doctor feels that this is doable but she did say that it will probably come back again, maybe even sooner rather than later. Last weekend, as we were waiting for results, I didn't want to think about anything that had to do with the future - anything from the next week to the next few years. Everything seemed so hung up in the air. When the doctor finally called and said that it was skin cancer, I felt almost relived. The waiting is really the worst part. I guess the thing that I hate the most is that I've told only a small group of people and I hate when people tell me that it's no big deal and that they've had it done and it's a piece of cake. Having surgery in a hospital...having surgery at a cancer hospital...is a big deal. It is a big deal to me and as much as I know that it probably won't be a big deal, for right now and right here, it is. It's huge. It effects me, my husband, my parents, and my kids. I am so glad that I've had Nate and my mom with me these past few weeks. Nate has been there with me two times a day as he changes my dressing on my leg. My mom has been there reading things and telling me how good my doctor is. My kids have been there praying for me and asking if they can help me as I stumble up and down the steps. I have an amazing support system but one thing that this whole thing is not is a piece of cake. My poor husband is so scared to death about things. At the end of church last weekend he asked if I wanted to go pray at the front of the church. At first I thought that he wanted to pray for his family (long story). But when we got up there, he starts crying and praying for me and that God would heal me. This whole ordeal has defiantly brought us closer and I've realized more than ever that I need him. I'm not a needy person and I'm rather independent. For me to need his help is a true eye opener. I can't do this without him and I'm so glad that he's been there with me very step of the way. For right now though, if you're reading this just think about something. If someone is going thru something please don't tell them that it's no big deal and that it's a piece of cake. Even though it may have been for you, it's not to them, at least not right now. Be there to listen, to understand, and just to hurt for the other person. Be there to pray, to lean on, and just to love on that person. Be Jesus to them. I can use any and all prayers if you're willing to lift them up for me. If you need me to pray for you, I can do that. I have a line of communication going with with the big guy these days so feel free to share with me and I'll be praying for you too. I'll keep you updated so stay tuned for any updates. Love you all :)

Board

I'm really board right now and I'm almost scared to go in the kitchen for fear that I might ruin the day. I've already had dinner and I'm done for the night but the boardem is killing me. I've checked out Facebook, looked at Pinterest and even prayed. I'm half tempted to take a nap. I've got no desire to work out and actually I'm just plain tired. I don't feel like cleaning anything and all I really want to do is veg and watch my kids play on the Wii. What to do...what to do. I hate this feeling! Every night I am so stinking busy and running around like a chicken with my head cut off. It's nights like tonight when there's nothing to do and I really don't want to do anything that I get in trouble. So instead, this is the exercise that I'm going to partake in:

I'm not going to enter the kitchen. I've turned the lights off and the kitchen is closed! I'm made for more than this and this is my time to prove it!

Self Motivation

I've constantly got to keep myself motivated or else I'll start slipping backwards. It's so stinking easy so I really have to watch every thought, ever bite, and everything. Pinterest and YouTube has been a lifesaver. I've found so much encouragement and motivation on both of these sites. This is one that I can truly relate to:

For me, instant gratification is so important. I need to realize that this takes time and that it's something that's going to take awhile. As you saw in February, I did Fab Abs. I love this workout because it gradually increases and is truly very challenging. Last week I tried looking for a workout calendar for March. After much looking and no success, I gave up. To my amazement, I found one on Pinterest today! I forwarded it to my small group and now I'm ready to go for my next workout! Wanna take a peek? Here it is:

I'm on day 20 for Fab Abs so I still have 9 days to go but as soon as I'm done, I'll be starting Mad Abs! Anyone with me??

I've also been doing meal planning which I haven't yet posted but I've got on my refrigerator. Here's what's on the schedule for dinner:

2/29 - Stromboli

3/1 - Spaghetti

3/2 - Out to dinner with my brother

3/3 - Grilled Cheese

3/4 - Pigs in a Blanket

3/5 - Pancakes

3/6 - Tacos

3/7 - Fruit Soup

3/8 - Chicken N Noodles

3/12 - Mac N Cheese

3/13 - Potato Soup

3/14 - Subway

Get Rid of It

This morning I got rid of some stuff and I'm saying good riddance to all of it! I'm starting to get into that comfortable stage with my clothes and it's time to start feeling a little uncomfortable so I stay motivated. I got rid of all of my size 7 panties and my one pair of 16's that are just big and now has a hole as of yesterday. I'm left with my size 6 panties that fit but are tight enough to always switch to my 7's. Time to get the 5's so I have a fall back once the 6's are big :) I've lengthened all my 16's so at least they're long enough it's just that they're awkward fitting. I decided to wear a pair today that I just never wear because I have to get out of this size and on to 14.

I looked at that picture of the girl in my last post and I need to keep telling myself that it's just a number and to not concentrate on it. I need to concentrate on the feel of clothes. To recognize the feel of "full" when I eat and stop when I feel convicted. I've been working out and getting a good sweat so I need to keep it up and tell myself that this is it...this is my life...GET USED TO IT! At this early stage in the game, working out is essential if I'm going to goof up and eat something I shouldn't...have more of something that I shouldn't. Little by little it will come off.

The Dreaded Scale

After this morning, I think I've' declared that I'm not weighing in. I think that's where us girls get held up...heck, even for guys too! I think we feel and think we're doing so good to only be let down by stepping on that stinking scale and see that the numbers have either increased or stayed the same. This is my mantra for the day:I don't know if thin people weigh in as much as people who are overweight, but I'd like to think that once I'm smaller and hit my goal that I'm not going to be so concerned about a number. I'm going to be content and if things are getting tighter than that means that it's time to walk more or watch what I'm eating and drinking. I need to focus on how I'm feeling and how things are fitting. After weighing in this morning I kind of got down but then I put on these jeans and they felt great. They weren't tight. I know they aren't going to leave marks on my tum from being squashed all day.I know I'm not going to feel like crap all day. That's a result of hard work! I need to focus on that and a lot less about what the scale is saying. Check out this picture I found on Pinterest:

We get so concerned about a number that we actually lose sight about what we look like and how we feel. Even though the girl in the second picture weighs more than what she does in the first picture, she still looks amazing! You can tell it in her thighs and abs! So here's what I'm concentrating on:

Food for Thought

I've seen, or rather heard of, this before but living it is another thing. I think that's why I always fail. I want to see instant changes and when you don't, you end up reverting back to your old self. I've had a really good two weeks and I'm starting to see changes in my body. It's exciting! I had thought that since I do zumba on Wednesday nights that I could take the morning off but I decided against it. I got an itch to do it and so I decided the night before that I would do it in the morning. At 7AM when my alarm went off I really didn't want to get up but this phrase kept me going:

I seriously wanted to stay in bed but I knew that I would feel so much better after it was done and crossed off my list. I have to get into using the mentality. I'm so not used to it. My parents never worked out. They used to get into riding bikes but they were never the ones to go running for a few miles or do sit ups and push ups. Since I've been doing zumba in the mornings I've been feeling so much better. I work up a good sweat in those 30 minutes that I work out. After I'm done with that I do the Fab Ab February routine and work up a little more sweat :) I started out on this slow but I'm finishing strong. I know I can do it! I've got my incentive of having my hair cut and highlighted waiting for me and I'm determined to work for it so I can say that I earned it.

House Hunting

At the current time, house hunting stinks. It started out fun but after 6 houses, I'm getting a little impatient. I guess I was hoping it would go as smooth as shopping for my wedding dress, kind of. It didn't really take me a lot of time to locate my dress. 6-7 dresses and I had my mind made up. The problem lies in that I would prefer a new house...let's build it ourself and have everything new! Nate on the other hand wants property, a big house and everything that's not on my list. Both houses that I thought would be the "one" ended up being a big flop. We looked at three houses today and house number two was the one we liked the best. Problem is that it has a 24 stall horse barn, a barn for pigs, a small garage and another garage that's kind of like a workshop. All in all we really liked it but I'm afraid it's gonna cost a fortune to heat the thing. It has 5 bedrooms and 3 baths. I wish it would work but I think we're gonna have to pass. The thought of buying it sounds fun and I'm sure the girls would have a blast in the stables but what would we do with the thing? We're going to watch it til spring and then if it's still not in contract we might try to put in a low bid just for kicks.

My lifestyle change has been going quite well! I'm not weighing myself but I feel really great. I've done zumba Wednesday thru today and incorporated my 5 minute Fab Ab February workout and I can really tell things are changing. I tried on my skinny 14's and they're still way tight to get on so I'll stick with my skinny 16's and big 14's. Little by little I'll get out of those 16's! I just have to keep it up and make me a priority. It will happen :) Gotta keep my zumba on :)