Sad

Another fitting title! This evening I'm finding myself very sad. The time is coming to when I'm not going to see my family very often if I continue to stay at Dell. I am so miserable that I can hardly stand it. I miss home and I guess ...well, I'm just sad. Saturday is my last day that I'll get to have a day off during the weekend for three months. It wouldn't be half bad if it were just a month but this is all through the holidays plus were supposed to work extended hours from 9-9PM. I'm just praying for a miracle. I keep looking for a job for Nate but I feel like I con only do so much. I want to spend time with the girls and every minute I'm away from them is like a point for Dell. I went to this website when I first started and I know what they're talking about when everyone gives there two sense. Dell is Hell...enough said. For all those whose mouths are now on the floor. I know...Dell has done something to me and I'm not proud of it. I just want to be done so I can lead a normal life. Money isn't everything and therefore see no reason to stay working at Dell. I just want to quite. How am I going to go through the holidays...Ana's first real holidays and not be there with her when they do special stuff for Christmas? This is killing me. Cathy & Mike, Nate's aunt and uncle, were here last night and this morning with us and I couldn't help but think about asking them to pack me up in their suitcase and take me back. Just a taste of home is leaving me very hungry to get back. It can't come soon enough. I just want to shout out, "God what do you want?". Last week I was actually in the car and I was screaming at God. I was so frustrated and even though those around me probably thought I was a lunatic I was so mad. I don't know why I'm...we're...going through this. All I want to do is see my kids and make a little money to pay bills and put food in our mouth. Everything else is just extra. I don't know where to go from here. I feel like I can't get any lower...I know I can but wish not to go there. I try to stay positive but it's like everything at Dell is a let down. Well, I have to close for now. Time for bed. Morning comes too early. Any morning that one must go to Dell is a bad morning! Hopefully the next time I write I'll have better news...plus a better attitude. Please pray!

Done

I thought that was a pretty fitting title considering that today is the end of my 4 day long weekend and also the way I feel about Dell. I am so ready to be done with Dell. I hate Dell and I could care less if I ever see the building or any Dell products for the duration of my lifetime! The girls birthdays were out of this world and we had such a great time. Yesterday was probably the best day out of all of them. We went to Opry Mills and looked around Bass Pro for a long time and then walked around the mall. It was good just to be out and not have to worry about anything other than having fun with my family. Talking about family, I'm missing my family a lot today. I really wish I could go over to mom's and just talk. Aiva and I were laying on her bed just a minute ago and we were talking about everything that we missed. Aiva said that she missed her blue room and her jungle gym. I said I missed mom and my red kitchen. If I could go back now I would in a heart beat. I just wish that I would know what's ahead. I don't want to go to work tomorrow but I know that I have to for my family. At least until Nate finds a job or unless I find another job. I had an interview on Thursday which went pretty good but I just don't feel right about it. Probably since it's an hour away. When you're on the phone talking while driving it doesn't seem that loing but when it's you and the road it can be a pretty long drive. Today Nate and I were going through the paper looking for jobs for him and I really hope something comes up. I just want to stay home with my babies no matter what I have to do. I just wish Nate would give me the OK to not go back and I would stay home while he goes to look for something. It makes sense to me...I'll have my checks coming in for next week and also my commission check at the end of the month. I know that he would be able to find something if he concentrated on it with no distractions. I just want to be DONE so bad that I can almost taste it and I'm about ready to say forget it and just not go back. Lord help Nate if I do that. I know everyone and their brother would tell me that I need to stay there til I find something but I feel like this is a desperate circumstance. I almost hope that they find out and fire me. I know that's the worst thing to think about but I can't help myself! Well, enough Dell hate. I have to get going. Aiva keeps calling out "MOOMMMMMYYYYY!" I must tend to her with tickles and hugs. Boy, do I love loving on her! I can't wait til I get to do it all the time. I hope something comes up soon for a job for Nate!!!

Birthdays

The time has come to celebrate both Aiva and Ana's birthday's. We are so excited that the time has actually come. We've actually talked in detail about all we were going to do in getting ready for the big day. First we were going to celebrate them separately and then we were going to do them together and now we're doing a little of everything. I'm just glad that I was able to get off on Sunday so I can have a full weekend to celebrate Ana and I also have Wednesday off for Aiva's birthday so I have Wednesday and Thursday off for her. Now if I can get the other days off that would be great! I'm actually working on that so hopefully things will come through. More on birthday's later. I fill in the details once the big day arrive and more on the job situation later as well.