Today I went for a walk and I had a great time praying. It was one of those times that everything fell easily from my mouth and I felt the Holy Spirit moving on the insides. Sounds creepy but true. I have been feeling like crap all day long and I've just been in a crappy mood. I've been in one of those poor me moods. You know the one...everyone is to blame but me. I work harder than everyone else. I'm tired and no one cares. No one can see how to fix it but I can and can't say anything. Why am I in this situation? Why do I put myself in this situation? Everything and anything is not right.
I could go on and on with all the conversations I kept telling myself. Finally, I heard BE STILL. As I walked my brain turned off and nothing mattered anymore. The accusations were gone. My feelings evaporated and for just a minute I could breath. There were no pent up emotions. There were no rapid heart beats. I was still. For just those few minutes I felt free. I felt like all would be OK. Then the voices came back. As I tried to filter them, I heard that still small voice again tell me to BE STILL.
As I walked, I continued to focus not on what I have done for others but what HE has done for me. Christ could very easily say these same things right back to me that I was saying about other people but he doesn't. He says to BE STILL...know that I am God.
I continued praying for my girls who were at school. The things they were encountering today. The people who were coming across their way. I prayed that they would be a light and that they would find just a moment and BE STILL.
I prayed for my husband and even though I didn't like him this morning, that God would help me to love him like only He could love him. That I would allow my husband to lead me instead of me leading my husband. This is something I struggle with day in and day out. I prayed that God would change me instead of my husband like I've prayed so many times before. I prayed that my husband would find time to BE STILL.
In my world, it is so hard to find time to BE STILL. I'm a multitasker and there's just not a second to just sit and do nothing but listen for what God has to tell me. I don't have the patience or the time for that but sometimes God creates those moments that we so desperately need. He helps carve out the time to cast our cares on him. He helps us by taking our burdens off of our backs and carrying it himself.
Why does he do it? Cause he loves us. Why o why can't I love him like that? I prayed that I would find opportunities to BE STILL. No matter how difficult it is to break away...I have to. He listens to us...we need to listen to him.
Sunday, August 18, 2013
While on vacation, I tracked calories and did amazing...til our travel days home. By that time, I felt the need to reward myself for doing a stellar job and thought I needed fries and dessert (AKA Milkshake). If I would have skipped the reward fest, I probably would have lost weight. All in all, I gained 2 REAL pounds. I say REAL pounds because I had a lot of water weight that I got rid of pretty quick. The few days after vacation when we got home I was in a funk because of my reward fest and it took me a few days to get back on track. I think I'm good but I still have moments of weakness. Let's just say I'm looking forward to a new month - September can't come soon enough. Our real schedules will start and my races will be coming up. Even now, I still feel like it' summer despite the fact that school hast started (CRINGE)!
That's right...school has started. The girls are loving school even though they'll probably tell you something different. Even thought they started on Wednesday, it wore this mama out to get things ready in the morning, showers for the girls, work full time, and head home to do dinner and help with homework not to mention clean out the flower bed. WORE OUT does not begin to describe how I felt. By Friday I was ready for a long nap. That, unfortunately, didn't happen. How am I going to cope during a longer week, you may ask? Easy answer...some friends and I are starting to make freezer meals. I'm so excited! This will help tremendously! We're starting this Thursday :) Each of us are making 2 meals so after it's all said and done, we'll have 6 meals. We're doing another session in two weeks where we're swapping with a few other girls. Hopefully by doing this, I can pop a meal in the fridge in the morning and Nate can pop it in the stove on my way home. Can't wait til Thursday! I'll fill you in on how it goes!
Friday, August 2, 2013
Had a weigh day yesterday and I lost 1 pound. I'll take it! Had a little bit of an epiphany yesterday as well. I always try to think of something that I really want to eat on weigh day. It's something that I normally don't have and it's something that I can treat myself to. Yesterday I wanted Canes but I opted for Wendy's...I was more set on the Cake Freestyle machine than anything. I wanted either Diet Dr. Pepper Cherry Vanilla or Diet Vanilla Coke. I kept hearing people talk about cheeseburgers so that's what I ordered. As I was ordering I saw these cookie and brownies next to me that I was convincing myself that I didn't need. I had the thought that I was going to breeze right thru he cheeseburger and that I should grab the brownie while I could since it was my "cheat meal". After much debating in my head, I decided against it. Victory #1. I left with my Diet Dr. Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper , single with cheese, and small fries. I had the fries which were great :) and then started in on the single with cheese. I was telling myself to pay attention to my hunger pains and if I felt full that I should stop. Half way thru, I felt like if I went any farther than I'd be miserable. I folded up the other half of cheeseburger and pitched it. Victory #2! An hour later, I felt horrible. Since I don't eat greasy foods like that very often my insides were telling me...actually yelling at me for putting my lunch inside it. My insides did not like my lunch selection ;) Victory #3. I call this a victory because it's a testament to how far I've come. I'm making wiser selections when I eat out and pay true attention to the things I put in my body. After still feeling like crap later in the day, it was a true confirmation that I'm not going to load up on crap when we're on vacation. it's not worth the pounds that it will add nor the time I will spend on the "can". Who wants to spend time in the bathroom when you can spend it on the beach?? After entering my numbers under my progress, I've seen that I've come along way. Even though it's taken me a long time to get to that point, I am changing. Slowly, my body is getting smaller but my confidence is getting bigger. I wanted to be at 170 by today but 186 isn't bad. I'm a work in progress! Here's to a great vacation :)