Today I went for a walk and I had a great time praying. It was one of those times that everything fell easily from my mouth and I felt the Holy Spirit moving on the insides. Sounds creepy but true. I have been feeling like crap all day long and I've just been in a crappy mood. I've been in one of those poor me moods. You know the one...everyone is to blame but me. I work harder than everyone else. I'm tired and no one cares. No one can see how to fix it but I can and can't say anything. Why am I in this situation? Why do I put myself in this situation? Everything and anything is not right.
I could go on and on with all the conversations I kept telling myself. Finally, I heard BE STILL. As I walked my brain turned off and nothing mattered anymore. The accusations were gone. My feelings evaporated and for just a minute I could breath. There were no pent up emotions. There were no rapid heart beats. I was still. For just those few minutes I felt free. I felt like all would be OK. Then the voices came back. As I tried to filter them, I heard that still small voice again tell me to BE STILL.
As I walked, I continued to focus not on what I have done for others but what HE has done for me. Christ could very easily say these same things right back to me that I was saying about other people but he doesn't. He says to BE STILL...know that I am God.
I continued praying for my girls who were at school. The things they were encountering today. The people who were coming across their way. I prayed that they would be a light and that they would find just a moment and BE STILL.
I prayed for my husband and even though I didn't like him this morning, that God would help me to love him like only He could love him. That I would allow my husband to lead me instead of me leading my husband. This is something I struggle with day in and day out. I prayed that God would change me instead of my husband like I've prayed so many times before. I prayed that my husband would find time to BE STILL.
In my world, it is so hard to find time to BE STILL. I'm a multitasker and there's just not a second to just sit and do nothing but listen for what God has to tell me. I don't have the patience or the time for that but sometimes God creates those moments that we so desperately need. He helps carve out the time to cast our cares on him. He helps us by taking our burdens off of our backs and carrying it himself.
Why does he do it? Cause he loves us. Why o why can't I love him like that? I prayed that I would find opportunities to BE STILL. No matter how difficult it is to break away...I have to. He listens to us...we need to listen to him.