Sad

Another fitting title! This evening I'm finding myself very sad. The time is coming to when I'm not going to see my family very often if I continue to stay at Dell. I am so miserable that I can hardly stand it. I miss home and I guess ...well, I'm just sad. Saturday is my last day that I'll get to have a day off during the weekend for three months. It wouldn't be half bad if it were just a month but this is all through the holidays plus were supposed to work extended hours from 9-9PM. I'm just praying for a miracle. I keep looking for a job for Nate but I feel like I con only do so much. I want to spend time with the girls and every minute I'm away from them is like a point for Dell. I went to this website when I first started and I know what they're talking about when everyone gives there two sense. Dell is Hell...enough said. For all those whose mouths are now on the floor. I know...Dell has done something to me and I'm not proud of it. I just want to be done so I can lead a normal life. Money isn't everything and therefore see no reason to stay working at Dell. I just want to quite. How am I going to go through the holidays...Ana's first real holidays and not be there with her when they do special stuff for Christmas? This is killing me. Cathy & Mike, Nate's aunt and uncle, were here last night and this morning with us and I couldn't help but think about asking them to pack me up in their suitcase and take me back. Just a taste of home is leaving me very hungry to get back. It can't come soon enough. I just want to shout out, "God what do you want?". Last week I was actually in the car and I was screaming at God. I was so frustrated and even though those around me probably thought I was a lunatic I was so mad. I don't know why I'm...we're...going through this. All I want to do is see my kids and make a little money to pay bills and put food in our mouth. Everything else is just extra. I don't know where to go from here. I feel like I can't get any lower...I know I can but wish not to go there. I try to stay positive but it's like everything at Dell is a let down. Well, I have to close for now. Time for bed. Morning comes too early. Any morning that one must go to Dell is a bad morning! Hopefully the next time I write I'll have better news...plus a better attitude. Please pray!