Thursday, March 22, 2012

Time out

I've taken a little time out the past couple weeks. I've feel like I've been beat up, hit, and run over but I'm still up. We've been looking for a house and that's taken some time out of our schedule but what's taken most of my thoughts these past couple weeks are on something that's a little more private. I'm not one that share's every nook and cranny of my life but I feel like I have to let everyone in on something that's been consuming my thoughts. I went to the dermatologist last week on Monday and they discovered that I have skin cancer. It's a rather large melanoma but they feel for right now that they've caught it early. I've got an appointment with my oncologist in April with surgery to follow. It's one of those things that hit you right in the gut. Cancer is cancer and I really don't care if it's skin cancer or any other type of cancer. It's scary! My doctor feels that this is doable but she did say that it will probably come back again, maybe even sooner rather than later. Last weekend, as we were waiting for results, I didn't want to think about anything that had to do with the future - anything from the next week to the next few years. Everything seemed so hung up in the air. When the doctor finally called and said that it was skin cancer, I felt almost relived. The waiting is really the worst part. I guess the thing that I hate the most is that I've told only a small group of people and I hate when people tell me that it's no big deal and that they've had it done and it's a piece of cake. Having surgery in a hospital...having surgery at a cancer hospital...is a big deal. It is a big deal to me and as much as I know that it probably won't be a big deal, for right now and right here, it is. It's huge. It effects me, my husband, my parents, and my kids. I am so glad that I've had Nate and my mom with me these past few weeks. Nate has been there with me two times a day as he changes my dressing on my leg. My mom has been there reading things and telling me how good my doctor is. My kids have been there praying for me and asking if they can help me as I stumble up and down the steps. I have an amazing support system but one thing that this whole thing is not is a piece of cake. My poor husband is so scared to death about things. At the end of church last weekend he asked if I wanted to go pray at the front of the church. At first I thought that he wanted to pray for his family (long story). But when we got up there, he starts crying and praying for me and that God would heal me. This whole ordeal has defiantly brought us closer and I've realized more than ever that I need him. I'm not a needy person and I'm rather independent. For me to need his help is a true eye opener. I can't do this without him and I'm so glad that he's been there with me very step of the way. For right now though, if you're reading this just think about something. If someone is going thru something please don't tell them that it's no big deal and that it's a piece of cake. Even though it may have been for you, it's not to them, at least not right now. Be there to listen, to understand, and just to hurt for the other person. Be there to pray, to lean on, and just to love on that person. Be Jesus to them. I can use any and all prayers if you're willing to lift them up for me. If you need me to pray for you, I can do that. I have a line of communication going with with the big guy these days so feel free to share with me and I'll be praying for you too. I'll keep you updated so stay tuned for any updates. Love you all :)

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