Monday, September 17, 2007

Undecided

Well, I've entered into my fourth week of training. Today was the first day for me to be in training half the day and on the phones the other half of the day. I'm still undecided about what I want to do. I keep on telling myself that this is going to be good for my family and for our future but I'm really starting to feel like I don't want to do this and that I would be much happier at WCC. I truly miss my job and I would give anything to go back. I just do feel connected to Dell and I would do anything to go back. I should have seen this coming but I'm really starting to regret the move. I'm going home this weekend and I can hardly wait. I think I might feel better about the job if I were able to go home at Christmas. I really miss my parents and I don't know what I'm going to do if I can't go home for the holidays. I try to be positive for Nate but I really don't like this and I want to go home. He just keeps telling me to stick it out and I want to do everything but that. Every day I pray that God would give me peace and patience as I'm trying to transition to a new job but I'm feeling so overwhelmed. I just want things to feel normal and I don't want to feel like this for months on end. I want things to feel familiar and I really just want to go home. I miss my mom and everything that's right. I'm afraid that the time that I spend in Ohio this weekend will go by so fast and I won't even have a chance to absorb the feeling. This is the first time that I really have thought about my home sickness. I try to put it behind me and not to think about it. I want to give up and go back. I pray that God gives me what I need to get through this week. I hate that I have to count down to the weekend. I don't want my life to be like that...one big count down. That's how I'll miss out on the girls lives. Hopefully the next time that I write I will feel tons better and I'll have a different approach on things. I must be able to feel the Spirit with me or else I'm not going to get through it. Lord help me. Help me to feel you interwoven through out my spirit and go ahead of me and prepare the way.

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