Last night I had an "AAHA" moment...somewhat of an epiphany. The whole day I had been struggling a little with being hungry but I wanted to wait and hold my self over til Nate and I were on our date night. My goal was to skip lunch and just do fruits. We were going to leave our house at 4PMish to have the kids over to my parents by 5ish. Around 2, I couldn't take it any longer and Nate was hungry. I settled for a sub, halfway defeated and halfway very thankful. We decided to go out after the movie since we had a late lunch so I had plenty of time to think about what I could have. I knew that we were going to Red Robin since Nate had a gift card. I had studied all the menu items earlier that day and narrowed my selections down to just a hand full. Walking in, I felt confident while at the same time a little excited. How could you blame me? It's like a walking in a candy store with a child. All of these types of food that I could have but am choosing NOT to have. I felt the internal debate brewing. The angel on one shoulder, the little devil on the other. Back and forth...I felt it...I heard it.
I saw the drinks that they have and singled in on the one that I had preplanned to order: Minute Maid Light Lemonade (0 points). While lingering in the drinks section I saw my dear old friend Dr. Pepper and said a little good bye as my eyes drifted to the salad section. I had preplanned to order the tortilla soup and a side salad. It was quick and easy. As the internal debate lingered on, my thoughts drifted to maybe selecting the crispy chicken salad. Back and forth I felt it...it was so strong and I wanted to close the menu and just be done with it. That's when I saw it all happen right in front of my eyes.
A husband and a wife came in and were seated right behind Nate. The girl was a big girl and she looked at her husband (who was tall and stick skinny) and told him that she couldn't fit in the booth. They motioned over to the waitress and asked if they could sit at the table next to us. You could almost see the pain in her eyes. You could feel that she didn't want to look the way she did...didn't want to feel the way she did. I knew she was embarrassed. I know I would be. Being the supportive husband that he was, he moved like noting really was happening and they got settled into their spot. Then it dawned on me...that could be me if I don't make improvements. That could be me if I don't make lifestyle changes. That could be me who is embarrassed while another girl is watching in who could quite possibly blog about my situation. YIKES!
I heard them order and I just wanted to go over to that poor girl and help her make another selection. She's feeding her paid...trying to cover it up...trying to hide it. The same thing that I have done. Our waitress came over to get our order and instead of the crispy chicken salad I got the grilled chicken salad. I made a better selections...a better step in the right direction. Half of me was really looking forward to eating that foccia bread that came with my salad though. Truth be known, when it came, I took a small nibble and realized that it wasn't worth eating.
Through our meal, I kept glancing over to the girl and willed myself to take in the moment. I needed to realize that this was a person who I didn't want to become. I almost wish that I had a computer on hand because I really wanted to get all this on the blog. I wanted to get out my feelings! Even though the weight that I have to lose is nothing compared to what she's up against, it's still weight and it's still hard. My take home for the night was that if I'm not careful, that could be me. If I don't make improvements, that could be me. If I don't do something now, that could be me. I don't want to be that girl and I pray she doesn't either. I pray for the both of us that we take steps in the right direction and start making improveents instead of downstream damage control. It's not to late to start...do it TODAY!